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Old February 14th, 2008, 09:01 PM   #11
feisty redhead
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ugh, what a jerk! My kitties would be happy to help with some ammo, too...

My boyfriend and I just had a talk about this kind of thing the other day when he got his hair cut very short after having let it grow to almost shoulder length. He was worried I'd be upset with him for it, and I told him while yes I prefer his hair longer, it's HIS hair not mine so if he wants it short he's free to keep it short. He would prefer my hair be a bit shorter than it is right now but he knows it's my hair and I want it to be longer so he's supportive of that. I mean, you love a person because of who they are, not what length their hair is, right? sheesh...
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Old February 14th, 2008, 10:35 PM   #12
Dianyla
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Y'know... those short hair people are also entitled to their own opinion.
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Old February 15th, 2008, 12:59 AM   #13
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Good thing they are entitled to it indeed.

Doesn't mean I cannot go and grab the trashbag back and pick something out to virtually slingshot at him *grin*
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Old February 15th, 2008, 02:02 AM   #14
manderly
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The questions and thoughts that pop into my mind are:

1) why is your daughter asking his permission?

It actually sounded more like she made a statement to him and he said "ok, fine, just don't go nuts". I didn't see any permission-granting there, and if there was (and I wasn't seeing it), then the problem lies with your daughter, who felt the need to ask for permission to grow her hair.

2) my BF calls LHC my "hair club for women" and I get nutty looks from him when I spend all day here chatting with you all about hair. So be it. It is a little nutty, and I do spend inordinate amounts of time, money, and effort on hair. But he knows that I enjoy it, so it's fine with him, doesn't mean he isn't going to poke at me now and then.

I think that LHC'ers tend to defend first, ask questions later with anything and everything concerning hair. Seems like there's a bit of over-sensitivity and hostility regarding our hair.

I'm sure there are other valid reasons why you hate your daughter's bf's guts, but this, I don't see it.....
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Old February 15th, 2008, 02:15 AM   #15
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wow...I hope your daughter grows up and gets rid of this guy!

Many women feel so insecure that having a man's *permission* is the only way they can feel good. I know, because I did just that for years. It's not YOUR fault as a mother, either, it's society's fault...

Anyway I hope you have a good enough relationship with your daughter that you can tell her YOUR opinion and she can understand it...and that you can also gracefully accept her choice of partners and her need to explore and find out for herself that the guy is, indeed, a jerk.

My BF thinks LHC is funny, but after his recent comment that my hair is "really long now!" he has started paying more attention to what I say, and oiling (but not yet using conditioner on) his APL, dark blonde, 2c wavy hair. Other than him, I don't share my "hair people" obsession with anyone except my (long haired) best friend.
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Old February 15th, 2008, 05:29 AM   #16
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Well, I know you have good reasons for disliking your DS's BF, but I don't know if this is a big offense.

Let's face it, we are "hair people" and to non-hair people it seems--er--eccentric, to put it mildly, to see people taking photos of the back of our heads instead of the front. Non-hair people just don't get it--at first.

However, if in fact he was taking a shot at you, that's unacceptable.
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Old February 15th, 2008, 08:17 AM   #17
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I have faith your daughter is smart and sassy enough to wake up and smell the coffee (and cat poo ) in the near future. In the meantinme just make a point of flaunting very long, very beautiful hair around whenever you see the BF...
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Old February 15th, 2008, 02:23 PM   #18
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Oh my! Just wait it out and hopefully it shall end. Oh geez, she can grow it out How nice of him.
Just support her with growing it out
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Old February 15th, 2008, 02:39 PM   #19
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More than one of you have brought the point up, so I'll address it. Yes, I have other non-hair reasons to hate this guy's guts. I just thought elaborating about them would be off topic, so that's why I didn't detail, but he is controlling in general. He reminds me so much of my daughter's father (we're long divorced) that it's downright terrifying, but I'm afraid that might be part of her attraction to him in some deep down way.

He has a way of coming across to others, especially women, like he has all the answers and doesn't trust their intelligence. I know he treats me, in particular, as if I don't know a dog from a doorknob. One attitude I've heard him come out with was, "Well, if women want to be treated as equals, then they need to be earning money just like men do." In other words, a SAHM isn't worth the same respect as a man or as a "working" woman. What decade is he living in?

Last time I talked to my daughter on the phone, he kept talking in the background, telling her what to say... just like her father used to do with me. "Yeah, you're on the phone, but you'd better not forget I'm the focus of your life, so I'm going to keep yammering at you and make sure you know I'm here." Last time she talked to Mike (my fiancé), she had to hurry off the phone when Adrian got home. When he is present, she will tell nothing but good things about him, but when he is absent she tells either Mike or me, depending on who she's talking to, the latest controlling thing Adrian did.

I'm afraid my daughter has a bit of a blind spot where Adrian is concerned. "But I *like* being told what to do by a man." OK, that scares me. Really. "How is such and such being abusive? I mean, yeah, he was treating me like I was stupid..." You just answered your own question. "Well, I see red flags but I don't see abuse yet." What is she waiting for? Hold on, I know the answer: "I told him if he ever hits me, it's over." I don't have to draw such a line for Mike. He doesn't need it.

Final evidence: Adrian was in a past relationship with my *other* daughter, who dumped him. And yes, he did put his hands on Tiffany. He justifies it to Elizabeth, and Elizabeth believes his side of the story even though I was there, and the way it happened isn't the way he recounts it to Elizabeth. Although Elizabeth doesn't think so, I can almost guarantee that eventually it *WILL* happen again.

In light of all this, the hair comment is the least of his offenses, but it was the only one I thought was on topic.

Does anyone have any advice? Thanks all.
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Old February 15th, 2008, 02:58 PM   #20
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cruztacean, well, then I sympathize, and I will wholeheartedly assist with the cat-poo flinging.

I don't know how to help you, but I know that 24 year old daughters can be morons when it comes to men (I know, I used to be one).

If it helps to make you feel any better, I eventually dumped the loser, to which my mom was sooooo thrilled, and I later asked her (about several of my exes) "Why the hell did you let me date these morons?!!"

So, as you see, we generally grow up and figure out the man we are hooking our wagons to are losers. Just give her time, be there for her whenever she needs it, and try your very hardest not to talk poorly of him (it has the frighteningly bad affect of causing her to become defensive and "protect" her beloved man, making her closer to him.....stupid, I know)

Good luck to you, and I'm sure that your daughter will come to her senses and understand where you and her sister are coming from
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